I am the proud mother of five awesome children whose ages range from 9 to 19 years old. Life was chaotic when I had a newborn and a 2, 4, and 6 year old all at the same time. I often felt like bedtime would never come, and many times I would count down the hours until my husband came home from work and school so I could have a moment to myself to breathe, and maybe take a shower. I love my children fiercely, but it was exhausting keeping four, and soon after, five, tiny humans fed, clean, and content all day. I remember thinking that life would be easier once they were older, once they outgrew temper tantrums and could make their own lunches, take care of their own hygiene, and put themselves to bed.
Fast forward 13 years, and now instead of 4 tiny humans I am raising 4 teenagers and a pre-teen. The less-exhausting days that I looked forward to are not here yet. Life is still chaotic, but in different ways. The challenge of feeding them has evolved from making their meals and snacks to making sure to restock the fridge and pantry to keep up with their enormous appetites. Keeping them clean now means reminding my teenage boys that it’s important to take a shower, wear deodorant, and put on clean underwear more than a couple times a week. Making sure they are content now involves talks about cyber-bullying, internet safety, sexting, and sometimes appointments with a counselor and/or a doctor to help them with their anxiety or depression. For one teen it meant checking them into a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks while their meds were adjusted so they wouldn’t feel like ending their life anymore.
Navigating through my children’s toddler years, and now their teenage years, has definitely not been easy. It sounds cliché, but the rewards of motherhood do make it all worth it. I cherish the memories of their first smiles, the first time they said “I love you,” and the feel of their chubby little arms around my neck. Now I treasure the moments when my teens confide in me, when they seek my advice through their struggles, and the feeling of looking up into the eyes of my 14 year old as he towers over me to give me a quick hug.
I am posing this question to you, my fellow parents, which do you think are harder to raise and nurture, toddlers or teenagers? During those early, chaotic years I remember being physically exhausted most of the time. The days felt long, I rarely got enough sleep, and my time was filled with diapers and tantrums. If I still had tiny kids at this point in my life, being 40-something, I don’t think I could keep up. However, with four teenagers at once, I am often mentally and emotionally exhausted. The things my children have to navigate in this world- internet privacy, safe smartphone usage, and other similar concerns, are issues I couldn’t even fathom when I was a child or teenager. Puberty is no small matter either, bringing with it mood swings, crushes, and the continued challenge of them outgrowing their shoes and clothes every 6 months or less. My answer to the question “Is it harder to raise toddlers or teenagers?”, is that both stages are challenging, yet rewarding, in different ways.